I’m in the living room at 9:30 p.m. The white noise machines are whirring in the kids’ rooms and I hear a rustling sound coming from the hallway. Crinkling and crackling. I identify it—it’s the sound of another chocolate-chip granola bar being opened. The habitual thoughts begin: “Why is he eating another granola bar at 9:30 at night? He should have some fruit. He doesn’t eat healthily enough.”
What do we do as we move toward healthy choices in our lives when our partners don’t make the same choices? It’s a common issue that causes stress in relationships and it’s a way for judgment and disconnection to thrive.
As a therapist, and in my own marriage and friendships, I’ve listened to lots of folks bothered by the choices their partners make or don’t make:
- Not exercising despite back pain, weight gain or depression
- Not reaching out to friends despite depression and isolation
- The extra beer or cookie or candy bar
- Not calling a therapist even though he/she struggles with anxiety
When we are making strides on our own path of growth and self-development it can be triggering to witness stuck behaviors in our loves that we don’t like. A common first reaction to this is to encourage him or her to do what we think they should be doing… (Click here to read more)