This article was published a couple of years ago but has gotten over 3,000 views and so elephant journal has reposted it to their front page! Thought I’d share it again with all of you! Happy Monday!
The media is full of images and headlines about how to have great sex: hot bodies and new moves, gymnastic positions and pearly pink sex toys will “spice things up” and help you either give or get the mind-blowing pleasure you’ve been looking for.
One thing often overlooked, however, is whether you’re actually in your body while you’re having sex. By this, I mean are you planning your schedule for the next day? Are you going over your grocery list? Are you worrying about having or giving an orgasm? All of us have internal mental chatter while having sex, but when thoughts come up and we ride away with them we lose contact with the sensations and subtleties of the present moment. When this happens, we limit the richness and depth of the sex we’re having. (click to read the rest…)
I’m in the living room at 9:30 p.m. The white noise machines are whirring in the kids’ rooms and I hear a rustling sound coming from the hallway. Crinkling and crackling. I identify it—it’s the sound of another chocolate-chip granola bar being opened. The habitual thoughts begin: “Why is he eating another granola bar at 9:30 at night? He should have some fruit. He doesn’t eat healthily enough.”
What do we do as we move toward healthy choices in our lives when our partners don’t make the same choices? It’s a common issue that causes stress in relationships and it’s a way for judgment and disconnection to thrive.
As a therapist, and in my own marriage and friendships, I’ve listened to lots of folks bothered by the choices their partners make or don’t make:
- Not exercising despite back pain, weight gain or depression
- Not reaching out to friends despite depression and isolation
- The extra beer or cookie or candy bar
- Not calling a therapist even though he/she struggles with anxiety
When we are making strides on our own path of growth and self-development it can be triggering to witness stuck behaviors in our loves that we don’t like. A common first reaction to this is to encourage him or her to do what we think they should be doing… (Click here to read more)
As you moved from adolescence to adulthood you probably realized that you’re not as equipped to handle some real-life challenges as you’d wish. Do you wish they’d taught you how to balance a checkbook in Home-Ec? Or maybe basic auto-maintenance would’ve helped you out of a huge repair bill later in life.
Well this is Fidelity 101: the class I think all folks getting married could use to give themselves the best chance at having a safe, loyal marriage.