Is the Grass Really Greener Over There?

Posted by: on Mar 3, 2014 | No Comments

How do you feel about your life?  Do you compare it to hers over there?  Or his over here?  Do you look on Facebook and get bummed out because that one is wishing their hubby a Happy Anniversary and you just fought with your spouse this morning?  Or maybe you don’t have a partner and that Happy Anniversary makes you feel more lonely.

There is, perhaps, nothing that takes us out of our own experience and sets us up to judge ourselves (and others) more than thinking that other people have figured out something that we haven’t.  Real communication and connection with others are crucial to cutting this painful phenomenon from our lives.  For every cookoo, bizarre, yucky thing you might struggle with there are thousands out there who struggle in the same way.  When we find out that we aren’t alone in our pain or fear it helps us realize that we are simply normal, imperfect human beings doing the best we can.

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You are okay the way you are—even the ways you are not okay are OKAY.

If you are nasty to your family sometimes–so are lots of other people.

If you are a grumpy parent sometimes–so are lots of other people.

If you are not attracted to your partner sometimes–so are lots of other people.

If you have petty, insecure thoughts sometimes–so are lots of other people.

Now that’s not to say that we don’t all have things to work on.  When things are out of balance and create unhappiness or fear we have to lean into it and figure out what we need.  But assuming we are alone in our ick or that we are defective because we have struggles is just a way that our Fearful Wounded Self keeps us stuck.
We have to bring love to that part of ourselves.  Find other people (online or in person) who struggle in the same way and realize that you are as normal as any other Jane or Joe.
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What do you negatively judge about yourself or your life that you believe other people don’t experience or share?  Do a little searching…I’ll bet you’ll prove you’re actually in good company.   I look forward to a conversation about this in the comments…